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I was helping Girl 13 with her math homework. She’s zoning out, uninterested and doesn’t get it, no matter how I explain it.
G13: “Ok! Don’t get mad!”
Me: “I only get mad when I’m trying harder than you are!”
G13: (cracking up) “That’s hilarious!”
Aaaaaand scene.


Aaaaaand, just like that, the universe sends you what you need. There I was, feeling like shit, getting hard on myself and freaking out. Girl 13 comes home in tears, freaking out about how much homework she has, how she’ll never get it done, how she had an awful day, etc etc.

What did I do? I held her while she cried, told her to breathe, to not be so hard on herself, to take one step at a time.

She felt better, and whaddya know? So did I.


Today? Not so good. Feeling lost. Feeling freaked out. Feeling helpless. I don’t know if it’s this shitty weather or what, but it’s certainly not helping my mood. 

It’s been 25 days since we moved back to NZ from Japan. All three kids are in school. Husband is busy in his job. House slowly starting to feel like a home. Yet, I feel disappointed in myself for not having my shit together more. 

"Do what you love!" "Follow your heart!" "This is not a dress rehearsal!" "Follow your dreams!" 

I know, I know. I need to follow these words. Am I expecting too much out of life right now? Should I be happy that we’ve gotten settled, made it here in one piece? There is plenty of time for things to happen, events to unfold, opportunities to be pursued and had. Right? 

I have a fair idea of what I want. Wait, let me rephrase that. I have a lot of ideas. That’s the problem. I don’t know which road to take. But all the ideas in the world won’t do me any good until I give myself permission to believe that I can do it. I need to be nicer to myself. How do I start?

THE MAKESHIFT MEAL: Started out saying “There’s no food in the house!” but managed to scrape together #eggless #fritters with #garlic, #onion, #broccoli, #sweetcorn, #carrot with #roasted #potatoes and #pumpkin on the side. Perfect #dinner for a #winter #night. All washed down with a nice, #darkale. #yum #makeshiftmeal #recipes #foodporn #feedingabigfamily #NZ #kiwisfromjapan #lifeinnz

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